The Backwards Birthday Gift

A number of years ago I was travelling through an airport and came across a book. It was about famous women and their moms. I picked it up and opened to a page about actress Jamie Lee Curtis, and was struck by the profound, but profoundly simple, practice she had made a part of her life. Each year on her own birthday, she gave her mother, Janet Leigh, a gift. It was her way of letting her mother know how grateful she was for having not only given her life, but helping her shape it into something wonderful.

It occured to me that this was a marvellous example of the kind of "positive flip" that my friend Tom Munnecke talks about. At a retreat we attended recently our host invited us to consider the power of language in paving the way to more fruitful discourse, no matter how difficult the issue. He talked about the way a group of people, when asked to share an idea where there were opposing points of view, were then asked to argue it using "Yes, but ..." in response. When the group was asked to have this same conversation, using "Yes, and ..." to move it ahead, the results were quite different. The power of a simple language-based approach made all the difference. It took a difficult issue and flipped it over. When framed in a positive way, the results were positive and abundant, and opened the door to further progress and discourse.

Jamie Lee's birthday gift reminds me very much of this idea. Our birthdays so quickly become a time of "entitlement". This is "my" day to be recognized. People are to show me how much they value me and care. And yet, when considered from a personal gratitude point of view, what a wonderful thing they might be! Instead of keeping score, worrying about who might have forgotten, or what a particular gift might say about how much the giver values us, what a wonderful flip it might be to move from greed to gratitude. Rather than receiving gifts on your birthday, why not give them? Giving a gift to your mom on your own birthday seemed like a wonderful idea to me.

At times when we are lowest, and feeling the most needy, the power of giving can be our very best medicine. Never underestimate the cascades of uplift that come from a giving heart.

Sue.